"Your Most Valuable Connections Are People You Haven't Talked to in a While" — Adam Grant on Reawakening Dormant Ties

"Your Most Valuable Connections Are People You Haven't Talked to in a While"

Adam Grant, organizational psychologist and professor at the Wharton School, makes a surprising point about networks: your most valuable connections are often not the new people you're meeting, but the people you haven't talked to in a while. When we think about networking, we tend to picture collecting fresh business cards at mixers. But the real opportunities often lie dormant in ties that were once genuine and then quietly faded — the people we've lost touch with.

This idea brings a deep sense of relief, because it means you don't have to build relationships from scratch. The foundation of trust already exists; the connection has simply gone quiet. Gently relighting that tie can create more value than a hundred brand-new introductions. This article explains why dormant ties are so powerful, and how to reawaken them naturally.

Research Backs the Power of Dormant Ties

Adam Grant and Daniel Levin, among others, ran a study in which working adults reconnected with people they hadn't spoken to in a long time and asked them for advice on a work problem. The results were striking: many rated the advice from these dormant ties as more novel and more useful than the advice from people they were currently close to.

There are two reasons. First, dormant ties carry new information. Because you don't see them regularly, they're exposed to different worlds and different industries than you are — the same principle as sociologist Mark Granovetter's 'strength of weak ties.' Second, dormant ties still hold a reserve of trust. With someone you once built a real relationship with, you can share context even after a long gap and get straight to the point. Both strengths overlap in dormant ties — which is exactly why they carry surprising value.

Reid Hoffman: 'Networks Are to Be Tended'

Reid Hoffman, co-founder of LinkedIn, has said that a network is not something you scramble to build the moment you need it, but something you tend in calm times. Don't wait until you're thirsty to start digging the well. What he stresses is the obvious fact that relationships naturally go dormant if left alone.

That's exactly why dormancy doesn't have to mean a lost connection. Hoffman's 'tending' means small maintenance to keep a relationship from going fully dark: a once-a-year note, a quick line when you see someone doing well. That's all it takes. What matters more is not abandoning a tie that has already gone dormant by telling yourself 'it's too awkward now,' but finding the nerve to relight it just once. Once relit, that tie returns to a state you can tend again.

Eiichi Shibusawa: 'Cherish Every Connection'

Eiichi Shibusawa, called the father of Japanese capitalism, was involved in founding more than five hundred companies, and one engine of that was his thorough commitment to cherishing connections. Shibusawa was known for refusing to sever ties easily and for nurturing relationships patiently over long stretches of time.

Underlying his thinking was the idea that human connection is not a matter of short-term gain and loss but a long accumulation of trust. A tie that's of no immediate use, if tended sincerely, can bear unexpected fruit years later. This maps beautifully onto the modern notion of dormant ties. Cutting a connection takes an instant, but rekindling one can also begin with a single greeting. Shibusawa's life teaches us that connections are assets that keep producing value as long as you don't let them go.

The Morning an Old Name Came to Mind

A personal aside. One morning on my commute, the face of an acquaintance I hadn't contacted in years suddenly came to mind. There was no particular reason — I was just gazing out the train window, and for some reason I remembered them. That small stirring everyone knows: 'Come to think of it, I wonder how they're doing.'

At first I nearly let it pass, thinking, 'Wouldn't it be strange to reach out after all this time?' But that same day I worked up the nerve to send a short message. Just: 'You came to mind out of nowhere — how have you been?' The reply came quickly, and they wrote that they'd actually been thinking of me recently too, which made me laugh out loud.

No special opportunity came out of that small exchange. But the feeling of a broken connection quietly reconnecting warmed the whole day. And I realized something: what had made me hesitate wasn't the other person, but only my own assumption of awkwardness. Ever since, I've kept a small habit: when someone's face comes to mind, I send a single line that same day.

Four Steps to Relight a Dormant Tie

Relighting a dormant tie is a small skill for getting past awkwardness. Use these four steps.

First, note the person who came to mind. The instant an old acquaintance's name surfaces, write it down. The very fact that they came to mind is a natural opening for reconnecting.

Second, reach out without seeking anything in return. Asking for a favor in your first message puts the other person on guard. Start with a genuine check-in or a line celebrating something they've done. Make 'rekindling the connection' itself the goal.

Third, attach something useful to them. An article they'd find interesting, an introduction, a small piece of news — add one thing of value to them, however small, so the reunion isn't a one-sided request.

Fourth, name the awkwardness out loud. Simply writing 'Sorry it's been so long' at the start dissolves the empty stretch of time. Awkwardness loses half its power the moment you say it.

Relight It 'Today,' Not 'Someday'

The greatest enemy of a dormant tie is the procrastination of 'I'll reach out someday.' The longer time passes, the higher the bar to reconnecting grows in your own mind. The reason three years of silence feels harder to break than one isn't that the relationship cooled — it's only that you've nurtured the awkwardness yourself.

That's why the key is to act the day you remember. There's no need to wait for a perfect occasion or an impressive reason. 'You came to mind' is reason enough. In fact, a message with no agenda lands as pure goodwill. A dormant tie quietly disappears if left alone, but it springs back to life with a single message.

Turn the Connections You Already Have Into Your Greatest Asset

What Grant's words offer is hope: your biggest opportunity may be sleeping not in someone you've yet to meet, but in someone you already know. Compared with the labor of building a new network from nothing, relighting a dormant tie takes a far smaller step.

Starting is simple. Picture one person you haven't been in touch with for a while. Then, sometime today, send one short message — seeking nothing in return, honestly naming the awkwardness. That single message can carry more value than a hundred new business cards.

A life of endlessly chasing new encounters, or a life of rekindling the connections you already have and turning them into assets? What Grant, Hoffman, and Shibusawa show is that only those who choose the latter come into the deepest, richest networks with the least effort. Today, send just one line to one person you remember fondly. That line will start a dormant connection shining again.